Somnus
by QueenSoledad
Summary: Sometimes Lavellan wishes she had more control over her dreams, and sometimes she doesn't.


It was strange, finding herself here again, of all places.

The spot was beautiful, to say the least. The small clearing in the trees rested atop a mountain that overlooked the shoreline only a few miles away. It was high up enough that, in the mornings, she knew the clouds sometimes hung low enough that, if she swung her feet over the steep cliff, it felt like sitting on the edge of the sky.

It was not morning, however; this much she knew. The cliff faced west, and, like a blade smoldering from the forge being cooled, the sun was dipping into ocean. Unlike the constant drizzle of the Storm Coast, the sky was nearly clear, and everything- the clouds, the hundreds of trees below, and the rolling waters- was washed in blazing orange and ochre.

That was the reason she'd chosen it, years ago, before the _vallaslin _had ever touched her face. He'd always adored the sun set, no matter where their clan wandered. She could think of no better place to lay him to rest.

She heard a twig snap somewhere near by, and she lowered her head to hide the small smile of exasperation on her face.

"I know you're there." Lavellan said softly to her faceless intruder. "You aren't as clever as you think you are."

A moment passed in complete silence. The hesitance in the air was nearly tangible. Soon, though, she heard his soft footsteps draw closer, stopping just shy of her. Lavellan's back was turned to him, but she knew, all the same.

"Who's is it? There is no name on the grave." he murmured. She could understand why- it was hard to address the obvious, the years of hurt.

She'd stolen the small statue that served as the marker, a deed likely frowned upon by the Creators. The owl- sacred to Falon'Din - was her final attempt to make sure his spirit would be allowed passage into the beyond, despite the damning words of the Keeper.

"My brother." Lavellan replied calmly, her eyes still focused on the fading light on the horizon.

"_Ir abelas_," he said softly.

Lavellan shook her head. "That wound has been closed for some time now. I've come to terms with it."

"There is still a scar, though, is there not?" he asked.

"I suppose so," she admitted, looking down at her hands as she wrung her lithe fingers together. "He received no burial because the clan deemed him a traitor. His body was left for the birds to pick apart. As we were about to depart for the South, I slipped away in the night to retrieve him, and I laid him down here."

She half turned to him, but was unable to meet his eyes. Instead, she found herself staring at his chest, where the wolf's jaw still rested. "Want to know of his crime? Come sit with me."

"_Lethallan,_" he said uncertainly, a hint of warning in his voice.

She smiled wryly, still not looking at his face. "It's only a dream, _hahren_."

Lavellan turned her eyes back to the ocean and the rolling hills splayed out before them as he drew closer, coming to a kneel along the cliff's edge a respectful distance away.

"He was our First, for a time. He wasn't very good at it, though." She said, fingering a wrinkle on her pant leg.

"Why is that?" he prompted gently.

Lavellan smiled to herself as a flush of memories came flying through her mind's eye. "He was the kind of man that, if you told him the sky was blue, he'd check outside to make sure. He could never take anyone's word for anything, always had to see it for himself before he'd believe. As you can imagine, passing Dalish traditions on by nothing more concrete than word of mouth frustrated him to no end.

"He was always running off to explore some ancient ruin or track down some old landmark, when he wasn't inside reading about them, anyway. I always followed. Had to make sure he had someone who had something in their head other than myths and forgotten legends to watch his back in case a bear came along."

He chuckled softly and, out of the corner of her eye, she could see the small, sad smile on his face. Her resolve began to shake- the butterflies swarming in her stomach were a poor foundation.

"He sounds like a good man. I regret that I'll never have the chance to meet him." he offered somberly.

"He would've talked you to death." she laughed nervously. "If you think I was curious, you have no idea what kinds of interrogations he would've put you through."

"It must run in the family." he said.

She laughed, though it sounded raspier than she would've liked. Her voice was relatively calm, but, she wondered, did he know how fast her heart was hammering away in her chest? How the air around them felt so thin that she could hardly breathe?

"I guess so." she whispered, curling a lock of her light brown hair around her finger. "There was a game we used to play, where we'd speak in haiku until one of us slipped up. I always lost, of course."

"My preference has always been for iambic pentameter." he admitted.

She smiled, watching a beatle crawl its way across the red-brown earth beside her. "I noticed." It fell soon after, though.

"It happened while we were camped nearby a human village for a few months. The land here was nice, and, while a bit stiff at times, relations with the shems were generally good. There was a boy my age, though, who started sneaking off at night to see a girl in the village. My brother found out about it, knew what could happen to the clan if they were ever discovered.

"He went after that idiot one night, was trying to stop him. I followed, as I always did. When we got there, the boy had already met up with the human girl. He and my brother got into an argument and, some way or another, the girl got shoved to the ground and screamed. The entire village was woken up and, in the resulting chaos, my brother was shot.

"I had to drag him back to the clan, barely managed to escape with my own life. The healers did everything they could, but the arrow had been tipped with poison that stopped his heart. The humans came to the camp in a mob, the girl claiming that she'd been raped to avoid the shame of being caught with an elf. The Keeper was only able to avoid an all out riot by assuring them the man responsible would see justice. But instead of the boy who was responsible for all of it, the girl claimed it had been my brother who'd come after her. He was posthumously discommunicated from the clan and denied a proper burial."

"You were there, though. Did they not take your word into account?" he demanded. The air itself seemed to shift as he bristled at the injustice of it all.

"Nothing's ever that simple, you of all people should know that. When it came down to it, it was me, a knife ear, against one of their own. Why would the humans listen to me? Besides, it wasn't like the boy was going to own up to it in front of a crowd of men out for blood." she said, her brow furrowing. "The Keeper only did it to protect us, and, ultimately, it was better to let their wrath fall upon someone already dead than the rest of the clan."

"You still stood by him." he murmured. In her peripheral she watched the hazy, imperfect image of his long fingers gently resting on his knee. Her own hand ached to reach out and tangle itself in them, but she denied it.

"It was foolish of me. If I'd been caught, I could've gotten myself killed and brought the humans' down on the entire clan. If they ever found out about it, my clan was long gone before the humans could do anything." Lavellan explained retrospectively.

The sun was nearly gone now, a blanket of darkness dotted by stars enveloping it. The moon, swollen and bright, had nearly taken its place.

She took a deep breath asking herself if she dared to face him. Lavellan was afraid, because she knew what would happen if she did meet his eyes.

"_Lethallan_," he suddenly said, grasping her attention.

"Yes?" she said, turning and focusing on the jawbone again.

"Morinthe," he whispered. Her breath stop for a moment, surprised at the use of her name. "Please, look at me."

She closed her eyes, hoping for a moment that she might suddenly wake. Then, against her better judgment, she raised her chin and opened them.

He was just as she'd expected, and yet, completely different at the same time. It was his eyes that pinned her to the spot, captured her completely and mercilessly. They were the same blue-grey she remembered, but now they were a thousand times brighter. They had almost a reflective quality to them, like twin mirrors. It reminded of her something buried deep in her own subconscious, ignited some kind of primal fear she could not place.

Then she remembered.

When she'd set out to pass the test that would make her a fully fledged hunter, she'd been kneeling over her kill in a clearing lit only by moonlight when she'd heard rustling in the grass. She'd looked up and froze in fear- a grey wolf had been watching her from the brush. It'd had that same penetrating, glassy gaze that her once- no, still- love had now.

"Thinking of something?" he asked with a small smirk, pulling her out of her reverie.

"No, I just…" she trailed off, her chest feeling tight and her face hot at being caught staring. "It's nothing."

She blinked a few times, breaking eye contact. When she looked back, she noticed for the first time the long, raven hair falling about his pale face. She smiled uncertainly, raising an eyebrow. "So you are capable of growing hair. I'm not sure how to feel about this."

He rolled her eyes at her a little, but he didn't stop smiling.

Without thinking, she reached out toward him, drawing closer than she probably should've. She froze a few inches short of him, her fingers hovering in mid air. He dipped his head forward, those glassy, beautifully bright eyes never leaving hers- a silent granting of permission.

Sliding closer, she carefully ran her fingers through it, finding it surprisingly soft. The color reminded her of those rich, dark chocolates they'd had that night at the Winter Palace. He leaned into her touch, sending a wave of electricity down the length of her entire arm. The mirrors in his face were half lidded, and, in that moment, he looked so miserably tired.

"So," Lavellan said, breaking the silence. "Why grow it out?"

"I've been…" he said, pausing to choose his words carefully. "working on something. I haven't had the chance to shave it in some time."

"Don't." she said suddenly without thinking.

He smirked at her. "Decided how you feel about it, then?"

She smiled sheepishly, glad for the dark tan her years spent as a hunter had given her. He most likely could not see the blood rushing to her face and travelling all the way to the ends of her ears.

She began to draw her hand back, but he caught it with his own, bringing it to rest on the side of his face. Lavellan did not struggle, secretly relishing in the sensation of his calloused thumb gently drawing across the smooth skin of the back of her hand.

He closed his eyes completely, his forehead creasing as his brow furrowed. "Do you hate me?"

She smiled, even though she could feel tears threatening her eyes. "No."

"But, the lies, and everything I've done-" he argued, his grip on her hand tightening.

"Stop." she said, but he went on.

"You'd despise me, never want to see my face again if you knew…"

"_Solas_,"

He stopped, eyes snapping open and meeting her green ones.

Exhaling the breath she hadn't realized she'd holding, she slowly inched her hand across his face, gently smoothing out the anxious creases in his forehead.

"I know there's a lot that you're keeping from me." she said calmly. "Just, tell me this though. It, isn't because you don't trust me, right?"

His eyes widened in shock. "Vhe-" He caught himself, flinching slightly.

"Never," he breathed, the warm air coming from his lips tickling the hand that was still so dangerously close.

"Alright then." Lavellan said softly.

There was a silence then, the air filled with so many words left unsaid that it was impossible to breath a single one.

"I don't think I've ever told you," Lavellan began. "The reason why I was always pestering you about the Fade and our people."

This managed to bring him out of it. "No, _lethallan_, you haven't."

"Well," Lavellan said. "Don't get me wrong, it is all very interesting. I thank the Creators, or whoever put us all here, every day that it wasn't something like spiders that fascinated you so much."

It wasn't audible, but she could him shake slightly with silent laughter.

"I will never understand what you find so terrifying about-"

"_Anyway,_" she cut in sharply, trying her best to control the grin threatening to show through. "I noticed, the first time I ever got a chance to really speak to you, that your face just… lit up whenever you talked about it. I'd never even seen you really smile before then, and…"

She stopped, her eyes trailing toward the ground, afraid to meet his again. "All I could think was, I'd do anything to keep you smiling like that."

He let her hand drop, and it fell gently to her knees, which she only now noticed were touching his. She gasped slightly as she suddenly felt those same long fingers under her chin gently making her look him in the face once more.

"How can you, after everything…" he asked, staring into her eyes as if he might find the answer there.

It was her turn to roll her eyes. "Do you honestly think I have it in me to hate anyone for more than ten minutes?"

He obviously was far from convinced.

"Look." she sighed. "Sure, I can't stand that you left me like that, and it is frustrating how many damn questions I have that aren't going to be answered. But I may never get to really see you again. The way I see it, that's a terribly long time to spend obsessing over some bitter grudge against you, even if we are all mortal now."

"Given the choice," Lavellan continued. "I'd much rather live out my days remembering the look on your face when Blackwall accused you of sleeping with spirits, and you drunk off your ass at the Winter Palace," the tears were falling freely now. "and the way you sit there for ten minutes just thinking where to move one pawn when you play chess, and watching you paint the walls, and that dimple in your chin, and how you claim to hate tea but still drink it constantly, and the way you called me-"

He cut her off, grasping her by the arms and pulling her toward him, nearly knocking her teeth out with how quickly his mouth met hers. After a moment or two his grip on them loosened, his arms falling to circle her waist, and she in turn slid her hands up his shoulders and around the back of his neck to bring him nearer.

It wasn't at all some kind of elegant affair. Their noses bumped together multiple times, and yes, he did sometimes squeeze too hard or bite down a bit too enthusiastically on her lip. She also was guilty of yanking on and entangling her fingers in his beautiful hair that it nearly came out, but somehow none of that mattered. It was almost like she'd been walking through a desert for years and had finally come upon an oasis- Creators knew she didn't give a damn about restraint at that point.

Unfortunately, they both came to the stark realization that breathing was a requirement, not a preference. They came away from each other, and he rested his forehead against hers, both of them panting a bit.

She squeezed her eyes shut, tears still leaking through regardless. She was being bombarded with so many different emotions- fear that any moment this would all disappear, the want so intense that it was tearing her apart, the confusion and frustration left by all he'd yet to explain and probably never would- she felt like her own little body couldn't contain them all.

It didn't make her feel any less confused when that same, rough and somehow elegant hand cupped the side of her face, wiping at her tears with his thumb. It felt so warm against her damp cheek, so _right_.

"_Da'len_." he prodded, his voice playfully scolding. "You're going to flood the entire Fade at this rate."

All at once she jumped at him, hammering on his chest before taking fist-fuls of his shirt into her hand and simply clinging on for all she was worth, letting her head rest on his chest. "You're an asshole _hahren_." she grumbled into his shirt.

He wrapped his arms around her back and rested his chin on top of her head. "You should've seen me when I was younger. I was a renowned ass."

"Oh, come on now." Lavellan laughed, sitting back as her tears began to ebb.

"Oh yes," he insisted. "I once attended a, meeting of sorts, wearing nothing," he lifted the wolf's jaw. "But this."

Lavellan burst into laughter and said, admittedly without putting much thought into it. "I'd have liked to have seen that."

He was suddenly looking very intensely at her, and, again, she felt like she was being stared down by some kind of predator. "I'm sure you would've, _lethallan_."

The blood came rushing back to her face as she realized the implications of what she'd said. But another thing dawned on her in that moment as well.

"What kind of 'meetings' does an apostate go to, exactly?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

He had that same look of exasperation on his face people always did when they knew they were caught. He took her hand into both of his, completely enveloping her small appendage.

"_Ma Vhenan_," he said, causing her breath to catch. "I promise, one day, I'll tell you the truth, all of it."

"Just not now." Lavellan added with a defeated look on her face.

"Please know," he said, his tone somewhat desperate. "I've never lied to you if I could help it. There's just so much that…" He shook his head, closing his eyes. "I don't know if you'll think so highly of me after, but you do deserve an explanation, at any rate."

"That's too bad." she said with a sad smile. "I think I'm stuck."

He cocked his head to the side, raising an eyebrow as he did so. Honestly, that face, combined with the wild dark hair falling about his shoulders, was so ridiculously attractive that she wanted it burned permanently into her pupils, but that wasn't relevant, was it?

"You could probably tell me that you're really an Arch-Demon and I'd still love you." she said, completely serious.

His eyes lit up at that, in the same way they did when talked about the Fade and Arlathan. It reassured her in a way, to see that he still had such hope inside him; she had feared, when he stood kneeling with the broken pieces of the orb in his hands, that he'd lost it.

He then did something strange, even for him.

He lifted the pendant from around his neck, leaned forward, and quickly slipped it over her head.

"But this," Lavellan, picked it up, inspecting the jawbone as though she doubted it was real. "Is it even possible-"

"Normally, no." he supplied. "But, you'd be surprised at the things I'm capable of these days."

"I can't take this." Lavellan insisted.

"When did I say I was giving it to you?" he said, a sly smile on his lips. Yes, she thought. He really did look like he was going to eat her. Though, really, she probably wouldn't mind. "I expect that back. Take care of it for me."

Understanding dawned on her, and she smiled, wholeheartedly, for the first time in a while.

"I'll do my best."

It was then that the image began to shift and blur and, Lavellan realized, she was beginning to wake up.

"Solas," she called out softly.

"Yes, _Vhenan_?" he answered through the haze.

"Good morning." she whispered.

"To hell with the morning." he growled.

* * *

Lavellan awoke to the sun on her face and a loud banging on the door to her quarters, most likely either Josephine or Lelliana come to drag her out to attend to the world's problems.

She ignored that, though, for a moment, as she felt through the cotton nightshirt she was wearing a weight lying just below her breast. She sat up, staring at it in disbelief.

There it was, the wolf's jaw. Now she had a small sliver of hope to hold on to as well.

* * *

**Author's Note: Yeah, lately I've been really stuck on this pairing, can't get it out of my head. It's so bad that, even though I have a week and a half's work of homework to do from being in the hospital and a book I have to read, I've spent most of this weekend reading fanfiction. X( **

**I started writing this at about eight o'clock at night and I'd meant to end it several times but ended up going at it until about 2:30. Just had to get it out of my system, I suppose. **

**By the way, a bit of trivia for you. A wolf's eyes are reflective because they are crepuscular- most active at dawn and dusk. It's for the same reason that a cat's eyes are- the better to see you with, my dear! I feel like I should be sorry for that lame joke but, honestly, I'm not. I thought it would be a neat tid-bit to add for our resident wolf-god. **

**If some of the conversations in here seem not to have a point, it's because I kinda wanted to make it seem a bit more realistic than you see in a lot of fiction. They say that if it doesn't progress the plot any, throw it out, but in my experience real people don't talk that way. Sometimes they just say whatever random crap happens to be on their mind, relevant or not. I understand how in a long work it would get bogged down and really damn tedious, but in a short story like this I think you can get away with it. **

**Again on people, I always notice that in these romance fics, the kisses are always amazing, people always orgasm during sex, and everything always is just so **_**perfect**_**. Same idea- real romance doesn't always work out that way. People are awkward and screw up and sometimes totally ruin the moment, let's face it. Remember, you only really love someone when you give their farts a score out of ten.**

**I also see in about 99.999999% of SolasxLavellan fics that our Inquisitor is really bitter and angry even years afterward. I can understand why a person would feel that way, but it isn't how **_**all **_**people would react to that situation. I would know, having had similar things happen in my own life. I guess I kinda just wanted to have a little Lavellan variety, if you will. **

**I do plan on releasing a full-on Dragonage story with this pairing and lots and LOTS of elven gods thrown in the mix, but I've been working on another story for about a year now and I really need to stop getting distracted before one of the five or six people who actually read it tracks me down and forces me to finish at gunpoint. Until then, we'll just have to wait on that one.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonage in any of its various forms!**


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